i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
