Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
