I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
