we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
