Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
