dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
