whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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