Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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