I just cut my nipple shaving
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
