Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
