plz talk dirty to me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
