Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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