I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
