Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
