A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
