The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
