dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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