Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My life is pants optional.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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