I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
