i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
