she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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