O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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