belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
