Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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