I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
