Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
