I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
