one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
People in love make me want to vomit
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
