Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
