We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you will always have a special place in my vag
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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