Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
