I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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