I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
