If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
