You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
