while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
