I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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