I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
