Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
