If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
