I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wish i was in the wii world.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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