don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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