I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
