I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
