At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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