your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
