Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
