Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
