really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
