At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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