I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
