The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
