Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
